Friday, January 22, 2010

Shagrath Apathy


I awoke feeling oddly despondent and felt the need to reach for the box of letters that I had from my mother.
Before I was even born, she wrote to me.
Of how she and my father loved me.  How they were so excited to meet me.
How I was growing big and strong within her womb.
They used to be signed by them both, but the last one was only from her.

My little daughter,
Soon you will be in this world. 
May Altana give you great strength, for you will need it. 
I can not lend you mine..   There has been a horrendous tragedy and your father has been taken from us.  I am beside my self with grief so much so that---


She never finished the letter.  There was nothing after that but an ink splatter and partial finger prints.
Did what ever happened cause her to have to flee at just that moment?
It pained me not to know whatever became of her.  Despite that, her words of love always offered comfort.

As I was shuffling through the letters there was a quiet knock at my mog house door.
Not in the mood for random guests, I wrapped myself in an afghan and peered outside.

Oh!  Big brother Wolf.  What brings you here?

Uh…

Is something the matter?  You look anxious.

Yeah…  Sort of…  Yes something is the matter…  You could say…

 Okay…  Do you want to come in? 

Wolfknight nodded and we took a seat on the rug.

Did something happen, are you okay?

Yeah…  It’s ah…  Shagrath.

Something the matter with Sha-chan??

Well we were in AlZahbi….  And uh…

Oh no, was he injured in Besieged??

Ah.. Yes!  Yes he was…

Oh I will go tend to him, is he at home then?

No Kia…  He isn’t.  He won’t be home ever again.

Wha-- I don’t understand.  Wolf..?

He’s GONE Kiamo.  He’s never coming back.

Gone??  To where??   Sha… Sha wouldn’t just-  Leave without-  Without coming to me…

I hugged the afghan close to my face and wiped my cheek.
I knew Wolf was staring at me, but I couldn’t see the look on his face because my vision was blurred with tears.
My chest was so tight that I couldn’t choke out any other questions.  Wolfknight’s silence only added weight to the now heavy air in the room.
My head was ringing so much so that I couldn’t even hear the steady beats of Sarima’s tiny wings as she hovered off in a corner.  Undoubtedly also stunned into silence by this news.
Finally Wolf began to speak…

Kiamo…  During besieged… It was the undead…

Buckbeard..?

Ah…  I don’t think so.  I… Got charmed but … Shagrath he…  Well you see there was…

Lamia..?

Some of those but this was a huge monster.  He was fighting it and it somehow swallowed him whole.

His words drew all breath from my lungs.  I grabbed my abdomen with both arms.
Wolfknight wouldn’t look at me.  He was carefully studying nothing on the floor.

I can’t believe…  That… That’s impossible!!  Where were you?!  Why didn’t you go save him?!!?
How could you get mesmerized by the sway of fish-witch hips and not aid your only brother?! 

Wolfknight drug his hands through his hair, down his neck and then wrung them tightly together.

You don’t understand Kiamo.  I… I have--

Have what… Cowardice?  Apathy?  How is it you shed no tears telling me this horrific news?

Something for you…  Lo--

I DON’T WANT ANYTHING YOU HAVE!!!  I… don’t … I just… just want… just Sha-  Shagrath.

You can’t have that, but you can have--

GET OUT!!  I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE!! JUST GO!! GO!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU!!

I didn’t see or hear Wolfknight leave.  I was collapsed in a heaving heap on the floor.
Each shallow breath I took in was harder then the last.  Is this what one means when one says “Drowning in sorrow”?
I couldn’t stop shaking.  With each tear I wiped away, two more rolled down my cheeks…  To my chin… To my neck…  Some to the floor.
The corner of my afghan was soaked with them.

Sarima floated over from where she had been silently watching.
I felt her small paws gently stroke my hair.  Then she wrapped her short, fuzzy arms about my shoulders as best she could.

Oh Kiki.  I am so sorry…













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